Help! My Child Wants To Quit!

A parent asked me the other day what she should do about her son who said he doesn't want to come to Taekwondo. The comment by her son really surprised her. It surprised me, too, because this particular boy is doing really well in Taekwondo and has made terrific progress in terms of self discipline, focus, and self control. In the past 16 years of teaching martial arts, I've gotten this question many times.

First, it's tough for me to answer this question without a parent feeling like I have a vested interested in them staying in the program. So let me start by saying this. Not all students or parents want to be in our program. I will also say this, I don't try and stop all people from quitting our program.

Second, I now have kids in our program and can understand more accurately what parents deal with on a regular basis when their children say they don't want to go to Taekwondo. Several years ago I had a student in our program who was doing very well. All of sudden he didn't want to go anymore. Dad came in and told me that they were quitting. I asked him if he thought the program was valuable to his son, and he said yes (as if he would say "no" to my face). By the way, I'm much wiser now and I realize if a parent allows their children to quit something, it's because they DON'T see the value in it- bottom line. I asked him if he would let his son quit the 3rd grade. I don't think I've made a lot of parents made at me, but this was one of those times when I most definately did.

I don't care what your child is involved with, be it- church, soccer, basketball, Taekwondo, the 3rd grade, if you let them quit, you don't see value in it. And, there is nothing wrong with that- I'll explain. My son, Isaac, doesn't want to play soccer this season. He wants to play t-ball. My immediate thought was "huh?" I've been playing soccer since I was in the 1st grade. I am still playing, which reminds me- I need to pay my registration fee. There are three things I want him to get when playing soccer, 1) a sense of teamwork 2) learn commitment to a team 3) develop a skill through discipline and practice. Other than that, I cannot think of any good reason why Isaac needs to continue playing soccer. Can he get these things in t-ball? You bet! He can also get them in football, basketball or practically any other team sport. Sticking with the sport for the entire season goes without question also.

When I say, there is nothing wrong with not seeing value in something, I mean there is nothing wrong with it if there is truly no value in it or the value can be replaced with another activity. So would you let your child quit the 3rd grade? Most likely not. Hopefully because you see too much value in it. For some parents, they don't see enough value in it, so they homeschool. My point is, school is a crucial part of a child's development.

I also believe that our program is a crucial part of a child's development. Taekwondo is not in the same category as a team sport or even an individual sport. I've played sports my entire life and know for a fact that the skills we teach in our program are not the same that are taught in sports. These skills aren't even really taught in school. That's why we exist. The things we teach-focus, self discipline, goal setting, leadership and respect are not taught in school, they're expected. Also, many parents don't know how to instill confidence in their children, that's why help. A confident child will: stand up to bullies, get better grades, and achieve more in life. I know because I've seen students who teared up everytime I spoke to them and then grow up to be a highly confident & successful individual. Do I believe we had something to do with that? You bet! Mom and dad think so also.

I remember the day when Isaac said he didn't want to go to Taekwondo. Rachel and I looked at each other and we knew exactly what the other was thinking. I can't remember my exact words that day, but I can tell you that I made sure not to bat an eye. I responded the exact same way when he said he didn't want to go to pre-school. I value both things... differently, but nonetheless equally. Once Isaac realized that pre-school and Taekwondo was a way of life, he has never asked to stop again. My children will participate in various sports and will be involved with many activitities, but the one constant they'll have is the education they receive from our martial arts program.

To be completely honest, I believe our martial arts program should be required for every child. We're working on getting our program to as many students as possible. Imagine, a community with youth that are more focused, disciplined, respectful, goal oriented, and confident.

How to Handle a Child That Wants to Quit an Activity

1. Do you value the activity? Take a good hard look at what your child is involved with and determine if this activity will enhance your child's future.

2. Don't force your child to do something. ReinFORCE them. Continue to talk about the benefits of an activity and the progress your child is making. If you reinforce these positive attributes, you won't have to force the activity on them.

3. Have discipline. Your child only stays home from school when they're sick, right? It's the only time they should miss their activity as well. If you're wishy washy on your child's activities, they'll be wishy washy on their commitment level as well.

4. Lead by example. This is a classic example of walking the walk. Either get involved with your child or show them that you value a very similar activity for yourself.

What things do you do to help keep your child motivated for an activity?

Duncan Richardson
Chief Master Instructor
The Academy of World Taekwondo
Ph: 208.381.0587
http://www.FreeKarateLesson.com